What if You
by ShellSueD
Summary: Ranger ponders a series of "what ifs" while spending a night with Stephanie. ONE-SHOT


**JE owns all the rights to anything familiar - mistakes are all me - but thank goodness alix33 is around to correct all of them!  
**

_Inspired loosely by parts of the song of the same name by Joshua Radin – no infringement intended._

* * *

I did the usual check for bad guys before I let her follow me inside her apartment and she came through the door as I slid my gun back into its spot at the small of my back. She appeared mildly exasperated, but there was no way I was going to let her walk in blind, not after the week she'd been having.

After I told her I had to go, an expression I couldn't identify fell over her features and she held my gaze for two full heart beats before saying, "What if you didn't?"

My entire body went still. It sounded like an invitation, one I would have a hard time turning down. She'd been holding me at arm's length for longer than I cared to admit and because I am not a complete asshole, I respected the boundaries she was trying to stick to.

But I'd told her if I ever felt that barrier relax, I would move in. I gave her one chance to put the walls back up. "Babe..."

She took a step, closing the small distance separating us, and tilted her head up to meet my eyes. "What if you didn't?" She asked again. "What if you just...stayed?"

I searched her eyes, looking for the anxiety and doubt that always seemed to cloud them whenever she let herself get too close to me but those crystal blue depths were clear and bright and full of desire.

_For me.  
_  
I wanted to ask her if she was sure, if she was _really_ sure she wanted this because once I started, there would be nothing that could make me stop. However, with every single nerve in my body aching with the need to touch her, I bit my tongue.

Her hand came up and gently brushed my cheek. "Stay, Ranger," she whispered and my tightly controlled restraint shattered into a million pieces. I pulled her into my arms and brought my mouth down over hers in a sinful kiss.

I should have thought about _why_ she wanted me to stay, _why_ she was suddenly abandoning the barricade she'd spent so much effort defending but I was too fucking selfish for that. She'd opened the door and hell if I wasn't going to walk right in.

We barely made it to the bed before I was inside her. The second time, I got us out of the clothes we hadn't bothered to discard and by the third round; I knew I wouldn't be leaving any time soon.

The guilt would come with daylight, _hers not mine_, so for tonight I would lay here with her and tomorrow…tomorrow she would go back to Morelli, I would go back to my life and then we'd both go back to being friends. When dawn came I would be gone and the whys and what ifs wouldn't matter anymore.

She slept easily and restfully beside me after we finally expended every ounce of energy we possessed but my eyes never closed. I held her close, not allowing even an inch of space between our naked bodies and pondered what would happen if I didn't leave.

_What if you didn't go back to Morelli, Babe? What if I didn't let you?_

I've thought about it - lately it's _all_ I've been thinking about and the longer I know her, the longer I let myself love her, the excuses I've given, to myself and to her, don't really hold much water any more.

Not that they ever did. Mostly they were a way for me to rationalize not being with her in a more permanent capacity.

If I was truly honest with myself, the one thing that's holding me back now is _her_. I was sure I'd waited too long; let too many things go unsaid and undone between us.

_What if I told you I was finally ready? Would you even believe me now? _

_What if you are ready too, Stephanie?_

I didn't know if she was or if she'd ever really be ready for a life with me. I didn't lead a normal existence and it wasn't really fair to ask her to not only accept that, but to become a part of it.

_What if you ask and she says yes?_

That voice had been tormenting me all night and I couldn't turn it off. I'd had so many opportunities over so many months to do just that and hadn't taken a single one - so why would this be any different?

But it _felt_ different and I spent most of the night trying to figure out why - without much success.

The morning sun was shining in through the crack in the dark curtains covering her window and I was still in her bed. I stayed longer than I intended, longer than I should have but I couldn't make myself leave. I didn't ever want to leave again but my phone was vibrating in my pants pocket from somewhere on the floor. It was the third time and if I didn't respond soon, they would start calling her landline.

With extreme reluctance, I slid silently from her bed, being careful not to jostle her and retrieved my clothes on the way to the bathroom. I sent Tank a quick text before taking care of business and then jumping in the shower. When I was done I looked to the front door, thinking I should leave before she woke up but my shoes and my weapons were still in her room. I let out a small breath and ran my fingers through my damp hair as I headed for the kitchen.

While I rummaged around in her nearly empty cupboards for coffee, I thought about the way I use to be. Two years ago, maybe even a _year_ ago I wouldn't be having all these thoughts about staying or going or what she wants or even what I wanted. I'd have been out the door as soon as the condom came off and gotten on with my day but now I'm standing in her kitchen and making her coffee because I know she can't start her day without drowning her veins in caffeine.

And I'm seriously considering asking her if she'd let me make her coffee every day for the rest of her life.

_Jesus._

What the hell is wrong with me?

I needed to leave before I did something completely insane like ask her to marry me.

_But what if you did? _

I almost growled out loud at the infernal voice that wouldn't leave me the fuck alone.

I leaned in the doorway and watched her sleep for a minute. She hadn't moved and half of me wanted to slide right back in beside her but I had to go. A client was waiting and it wasn't fair to leave Tank holding the ball. He hated dealing with high maintenance customers and this one was certainly that.

Grabbing my guns and knife from her dresser, I strapped them on and then lowered myself in the chair beside her bed to don my boots. I was halfway through tying the first one when I heard her stir beneath the sheets. I lifted my head and found her sleepy blue eyes watching me.

She blinked slowly and raised her hands over her head in a long stretch that made the sheet hiding her breasts slide down her torso. The movement drew my gaze and my dick responded appropriately. I shook my head and dropped my eyes back to my boots. I would never leave if I kept looking.

"Do I smell coffee?" She asked in a slightly drugged sounding voice. It did nothing but make my pants feel even tighter.

"It's all that was in your kitchen. You need to get to the store, Babe." I finished tying my laces and lifted out of the chair without looking at her. When I moved to the door she spoke again.

"Thank you." It was soft and drowsy and I wondered if she meant for the night of unbelievable sex or for the coffee. I stopped and turned around; suddenly needing to know exactly what was on her mind. I gave her a questioning look, raising an eyebrow because that always made her smile.

She did not disappoint. "For the coffee, thanks. And I planned on getting groceries today; it's been kind of a hectic week."

That was a stunning understatement. She'd been shot at, twice, ran off the road, again twice; I was sure she had a stalker who was on the worrisome level of crazy and she'd walked in on Vinnie having a nooner with a cat. As far as weeks go, this one was at the top of the list of, _please don't ever let it happen again._

"And it's only Friday," I said, knowing I'd get to see that smile one more time. She graced me with a full-on laugh and my heart turned over in my chest.

"You're leaving," she stated and tugged at the blankets, covering her naked chest, much to my relief.

"Tank's waiting."

She nodded and rolled onto her side, bringing the comforter up to her chin. "Will I see you later?"

Yes was on the tip of my tongue and I should have said it. I should have told her right then that there was nothing that would keep me from getting back here later but these words came out of my idiotic mouth, "My schedule is full today, but I'll check in. Do you have anything besides stocking the kitchen planned?"

That got a little half smile out of her but I didn't miss the hint of sadness behind her eyes. What the fuck was wrong with me?

"Nope. I'm gonna take the day off. I think I need a mental health day." We were both studiously avoiding what happened last night, granted she was just following my lead, but she certainly wasn't pushing the issue either.

We were seriously screwed up in a very large way. "You might need an entire weekend, Babe." I glanced at my watch just as my phone vibrated again. "I gotta go."

I headed out and made it almost to the door before I heard her. When I turned back, she was right there, wrapped in a fluffy pink robe. She'd tied her hair back from her face in a messy ponytail and her hands were shoved deep into the pockets.

"What if you didn't?" she asked quietly and my heart rate kicked up a notch. She was doing it again. Opening the door so wide I'd be a fucking idiot if I didn't run right through it.

"What if I didn't have to leave?"

She nodded her head, her gaze hard and blazing on mine. This was an opportunity and I had the distinct feeling if I didn't take this one, I would never get another. I latched onto the lapels of her robe and drew her to me until our lips were nearly touching. "Then I would be back in your bed and I would never leave again."

"What if that's exactly what I want?"

My eyes closed of their own volition and I dropped my forehead onto hers. She was systematically erasing every doubt I had about her feelings but I had to be sure. If we were going to do this, she had to be sure. I wouldn't let her change her mind later.

"Are you sure, Stephanie?"

She lifted up on her toes and pressed her lips to mine. "Didn't you feel it last night? Couldn't you tell something was different between us?"

I'd felt it, of course I had. Something had shifted, changed irrevocably with us but I hadn't been able to put my finger on what it was until she voiced it.

I kissed her back and then pulled her against my chest. "It won't be easy. And we're going to piss each other off."

"You already piss me off. And I don't want easy. I want you. No more what ifs. I want you, for now, for later, for forever and I don't care what it takes."

I couldn't stop the smile. "What if I want that too?" I sucked in a breath when she jabbed her finger into my ribs.

"We're finally having a moment here and you have to be a smartass. No more what ifs. We're gonna do this, and Ranger? It's gonna be good."

It would be something, alright. But I was betting on it being way better than good and for the first time I left her apartment without a single question in my head. The internal voice was fully and blessedly silent.


End file.
